


a soft place to land

by hedonistvenus (seafoamvenus)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, could be read as bkakkrkn if you squint, this is really just something i needed to write to get some feelings off my chest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29034186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seafoamvenus/pseuds/hedonistvenus
Summary: Akaashi Keiji graduated high school with a perfect GPA. He had two younger sisters, he liked to listen to classical music while he studied, and he tried to kill himself for the first time when he was thirteen years old. It was just one of those things about him. He wanted to die a lot of the time.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	a soft place to land

**Author's Note:**

> just pretend like i posted this on akaashi's birthday

Akaashi Keiji graduated high school with a perfect GPA. He had two younger sisters, he liked to listen to classical music while he studied, and he tried to kill himself for the first time when he was thirteen years old. It was just one of those things about him. He wanted to die a lot of the time.

And it was strange, because there wasn’t anything particularly wrong in his life. His parents were supportive and his classmates were tolerable— his brain was just wired that way, the chemicals uneven and constantly clashing with rational thought.

\- O - O - O -

Akaashi tapped his fingers on his desk as he struggled to pay attention to the professor's lecture. His head was all over the place today. No matter how much he tried to get himself to focus, his brain refused to work with him.

Kenma looked up from his phone and nudged him. “Are you okay?” Akaashi nodded, but Kenma didn’t look convinced. “I can send you the homework if you need to leave,” he offered.

Akaashi swallowed thickly and shook his head. “I’m alright. I’m just having trouble focusing today.”

Kenma hummed in understanding, taking Akaashi’s notebook from his desk and recopying today’s lecture notes onto the empty pages. 

With Akaashi no longer frustrated or beating himself up, class ended rather quickly. The professor dismissed them and Kenma gave Akaashi back his notebook. As he closed it to put away in his bag, he noticed the small  _ happy birthday _ written at the top of one of the pages.

\- O - O - O -

After class, Akaashi met up with Kuroo to walk over to the humanities building. He didn’t have any classes left for the day, but regardless, he kept up the routine. It gave him the chance to talk to Kuroo for a while. 

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask if your parents are still giving you trouble for living at home,” Kuroo asked, and Akaashi merely shrugged in response. His parents had lightened up a bit on their expectations for him, but it was still hard. They wanted him to move out, they wanted him to get a job— they wanted him to do a lot of things, but it took all of Akaashi’s energy to just keep himself alive.

Akaashi never expected to make it this far. He honestly was trying his best— it just happened to be less than what his parents wanted from him.

“Hey,” Kuroo started, catching Akaashi’s attention once again. “You’re sure you’re feeling alright? Kenma mentioned you were pretty out of it in class.”

He stared down at the ground as they walked. “I don’t… I’m not really sure. I feel like I’m supposed to be happier today.”

“If you’re happy, you’re happy. And if you’re not, you’re not. There’s no use in overthinking something like this,” Kuroo reassured. He actually gave good advice when he wanted to, and Akaashi was thankful for that. He had a terrible habit of overthinking things, and always needed someone to help snap him out of it.

They noticed Bokuto waiting outside as they approached the humanities building. Akaashi took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, and Kuroo waved, breaking away to greet his friend.

“Bo! My man, I haven’t seen you in like,  _ two whole hours.” _

Bokuto laughed and met Kuroo halfway, giving him a fist bump and hugging him tightly. “I know right. I missed you so much I thought I was gonna  _ die.” _

“The two of you are insufferable.” Akaashi rolled his eyes, and both Kuroo and Bokuto snickered. They were being dramatic on purpose, solely because they knew it annoyed him.

Kuroo pulled away and checked the time on his phone. “Shit, I really have to get to my next class. Bo, I’ll talk to you later. And Akaashi— happy twentieth.”

“Thank you,” Akaashi said, and Kuroo hurried into the building. Bokuto was being uncharacteristically quiet, so Akaashi turned to him. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Happy… No, your birthday’s on the fifth. The fifth of December,” he reiterated, mostly to himself. “I wrote it down.”

“Today is the fifth,” Akaashi pointed out.

Bokuto blinked. “I knew that.” It was a lie, but it was an endearing one, so Akaashi let it slide.

“Of course you did, Bokuto-san.”

“Happy birthday, ‘Kaashe!!” Bokuto wrapped him up in a hug, lifting him off the ground as he did so. Akaashi’s cheeks felt sore as he found himself smiling for the first time that day. “I can’t believe you’re twenty. I’m so proud of you. You did it!”

Akaashi wanted to cry. He took another deep breath. “I did it,” he repeated, holding back the fact that Bokuto was the only reason he had made it this far.

Bokuto had always been there to accept his calls in the middle of the night. He never questioned when Akaashi would go quiet on their walks to the station, staring down at the water under the bridge and silently calculating how far the distance down was. Bokuto would just pull him along, and start talking about his day to distract him from his thoughts.

Bokuto was always there with him— there  _ for him _ as a soft place to land when all Akaashi ever wanted to do was jump.

Akaashi sniffled and buried his face against Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto tilted his head up and wiped his face with the pad of his thumb. “Hey, c’mon. It’s your birthday.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can stop,” Akaashi apologized. He didn’t particularly want to be seen crying, but it was alright if he was with Bokuto. “I’m supposed to be happy today and I’m ruining it.”

“It’s okay,” Bokuto reassured.

“I don’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now, Bokuto-san. I didn’t ever think I would make it this far, but I’m still here, and I have to keep being here. Why didn’t I just stop and end it all before?”

“Because you wanted to be here.” Bokuto kissed Akaashi on the temple and let him rest against his shoulder again. “And you still do. You’re just not used to having to figure things out.”

“Everyone expects me to have my life figured out by now.”

“No one has their life figured out. They’re all just pretending that they do so their parents don’t yell at them,” he reassured. “Everything’s going to be okay, Keiji. I love you so much, and I really, really am proud of you.”

Akaashi swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I think I’m proud of myself as well.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1) this has been haunting my drafts since my own birthday two months ago and i finally managed to put enough words together to post it today!!!  
> 2) turning twenty is super wild when you didn't plan on making it that far, but i'm still here and i plan on being here for a while and i'm very happy with that decision


End file.
